Addictions afflictions and fiction

The title is a bit misleading in the respect that the only addictions I have is to good conversation and caffeine. I could live without the caffeine but NOT the conversation. Then again, talk isn't everything either. Some people bore you to tears with their ability to say so much and yet say nothing real. I am addicted to ideas and the exchange of ideas and phrases that make me smile or think about something in a way I hadn't thought of before. Don't most people have a love/hate existence anyway? We all know what we like and don't like but most of these perceptions are founded on experiences that are always changing. A stupid example is the kind of food we'll eat. I used to hate squash but now that I know how to cook it, I like it a lot. Or a more broad example, if you've never known anyone who is gay, bi, lesbian, transgendered etc. then you might have opinions of those people as being evil or crazy or fixable even. I heard a radio program the other day about this man who realized he wasn't actually gay after all and now he's found Jesus, is married, has a family and is at peace with himself. Well good for him.
Some people wouldn't be happy in his shoes either. I don't care to find what I don't think I've lost but the idea of being at peace with myself is appealing. I think though that everything in our society encourages a war mentality. War with our bodies. War with each other. War inside the home. War beyond the borders. War behind the wheel. War as shopping/entertainment/change. War as status quo. War as progression/protection/"peacekeeping" and "intervention." War of words. War for right and wrong. War against abortion. War on reproductive rights. War on poverty, illness, rape, disease. War against imperialism. War that wears the mask of debate.

Think about the couples who fight and how the expressions on their faces are like two enemies facing off. Or think about all of the craziness that pits us against each other in a shop-o-frenzy, where the weekend after Thanksgiving people pour into the malls, slam carts against one another and stand in lines for hours to get a few bucks off. Or my favorite example is the trend in reality t.v. that puts people in "competition" with one another for a man or woman, for money, for power, for a nicer house/car/life whatever. Or about the parents who yell at children for losing a game or yell at each other in front of their children because their kids are on opposite teams. It's like the line from the Rage Against the Machine song that goes, "The frontline is everywhere." I think that's actually true. Until I can get over my "need" to compete with you and to win at every damn thing, then can I actually see you as my friend or lover or loved one even? Parents sometimes have such a huge need to be 'right' all the time that they don't even listen to their children and if you listened you might actually one of the best closing arguments or protest song that you could've imagined. But we just don't want to question authority that much. It's not comfortable to cede power is it? We certainly aren't rewarded for doing so. No. You must be the strong leader. The strong man. The strong parent. You must not give in. You must not lose ground. You must stand firm. But, as Buddhist poets love to point out, that which doesn't bend, is the first thing to break.

To me, what afflicts people more than anything (myself included) is this war mentality. This me first and only me mentality that is the product of our social condition because we could just as easily have been taught to truly love one another, to want to protect one another, to share. What is the fiction you tell yourself? What is it that you use to justify this crazy reality and your part in it? I am competitive to a point. I want the grades and the prestige and I get a bit pissy about the idea that someone, just because their parents have money, can be deemed "more worthy" than I to go to an Ivy League University. Then again, I don't believe intelligence should be measured by a test score or whatever title, name and credentials you can put behind your name or on a resume. Some of THE most intelligent, creative, compassionate and engaged people you will ever meet often aren't the ones coming from THOSE places but from the shadows, from the underbelly of the status quo. I'm tired of the war mentality and yet I want to fight it. Does that only perpetuate the problem? More of this happy rant later. Peace!


"We all vain, we all strange
We all drained, we all love to just complain
But nobody wants to seem to get along ya see
We got shame, we got pain
We got blame, we all a little bit insane
So that's why I sing this song"--Michael Franti/Spearhead "Everyone deserves music"

"I'm not worthy of you, you're not worthy of me"--Ani DiFranco "Worthy"